Hello, hello, hello young fiddle leaf figs!

Now, ya’ll may know me well enough to know that I spent the last week: 

1. Reading Matty Healy theories that are best described as Q-Anon for people who are a pleasure to have in class

2. Finally deciding not to risk it with shady StubHub tickets to the Eras Tour in Paris

3. Nagging ~two people per day about why they choose to read poorly

When strangers ask me what I do, sometimes I say, “I’m a reading therapist.” To my knowledge, this is not a real job, but it’s more descriptive of my everyday life than anything else. I teach twenty-somethings, usually ones with fancy degrees, how to read. 

Yeah, I call it Translation. But you read The Loophole (and if you didn’t, wow thanks for being here 🤗). Did you really think Translation was anything other than reading? The moment I invented Translation was one of the scariest moments of my life. Because that’s when I realized how little care goes into the vast majority of relationships with the written word. 

I’ve always loved words. Probably too much. Even as a kid, I couldn’t understand why others didn’t see them the way I did. They were the overflowing nectar of a succulent apricot that gets all over your face and collar as you bite a little too fast. To this day, even after living almost my entire adult life in reading therapy, I still don’t understand why so few people can taste a word when they read it. 

So I have a real question for the group. Why does everyone treat reading like this?

It feels like, for most people, the only goal of reading is to be done as fast as possible. To move onto something else. Saying this another way: The goal of reading is often… to not read.

Think about how absurd this sounds: The goal of basketball is to not play basketball. The goal of grabbing a rebound is to be done with the game. The goal of shooting this game-winning shot is to get to the locker room faster. 🤬🥹

Why would anyone make the goal of their activity something other than doing the activity? I recently got to know a Zen Buddhist who insisted to me that this sort of goal misalignment was responsible for a large percentage of human suffering. But even if we want to be utilitarians about it, making “just be done” your goal will make you worse at whatever you’re trying to do. Which is bad when what you’re doing is important. Especially when what you’re trying to do controls I dunno… your relationship to like 90% of knowledge. 

OK, So What Should I Do?

Read like you care. 

Give a damn.

It sounds so simple. You didn't need me to tell you that. But it’s these simple things that are actually the hardest. 

If you don’t give a damn about what you’re reading, your brain won’t either. You won't remember it. You won’t be able to use it. You’ll waste the time you spend reading anything beyond buttons you’re about to press. 

Now you may retort, “But Ellen, I don’t give a damn about reading. That’s why I’m reading your newsletter.” I get you. It’s ok to not make sense sometimes. Just last night, I pressed random buttons without reading them on the IRS website 💁🏻‍♀️

But we have to recover. The first step is to at least sound like you care. 

Sounding like you care is kinda like smiling while you’re crying. If you smile enough, you release happy chemicals. If you sound like you care, the caring chemicals follow.

How Do I Sound Like I Care?

Ahhhhhhhhhh, reader. All the students from inside the Elemental tutoring bubble know exactly what I’m about to say: Welcome to intonation, friends!!

Intonation is one of the core reasons the Translation process works so well. Let’s play with an example sentence:

Your wife waters flowers.

Go ahead and read this out loud in a monotone. Just normal.

Now we’re going to break it up to hear how intonation changes your relationship to the information. When you see a red word in the following sentences, PUNCH IT like it’s in ALL CAPS. Say it louder, slower, and in a different pitch than the rest of the sentence.

Your wife waters flowers.

This one probably sounds like someone committed adultery.

Your wife waters flowers.

This one probably sounds like the horticultural police are responding to a 911 call.

Your wife waters flowers.

This one probably sounds like someone doesn’t understand the concept of flowers.

Pssssst. Keep intoning the red parts: You get to pick which words to punch as you read the sentence to create the meaning you sense in the language. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure every time. Every answer is the correct answer.

But look at all that extra meaning. All encoded into the exact same action you would have taken being lazy and monotone. No extra time. No extra “energy.” You literally get richer information with better retention for the exact same cost. This helps you understand and remember what you read fast.

Often, people are resistant to intonation because it feels awkward. Like you’re being extra.

You ever heard me talk? It’s always like this. It’s extra. And sidenote, it doesn’t turn off. My voice has been 20% cartoon character forever. But even though this made me a very unpopular high schooler, that voice is the superpower I carried into the LSAT in 2011. It is what lets me easily finish LR in 27 minutes. It’s the reason the LSAT just. makes. sense.

It’s the reason I can taste those words. 

Don’t knock it till you try it, friends 🧃

ICYMI

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of framing your life around the LSAT—not the other way around. This advice took on a whole new meaning when I saw the MOST AMAZING LSAT schedule I think I’ve ever seen. 

Check out how Sarah came to slay ⬇️

Inspired by her loving but firm approach? Same. 😂

As always, for more LSAT tips, head on over to TikTok. 

To relaxing thoughts,

Ellen